Jon22: The Website of Jonathan Dobres

Leopard hits this week, and to coerce a mentally weak public into the act of purchase, Apple has put up a video tour of this major upgrade of the Mac’s operating system. I thought it would be worthwhile to offer my comments on the video tour itself. With pictures!

Say hello to John. He works in Apple retail, but you could probably figure that out from the trendy haircut, contour-accentuating black shirt, and immaculate workspace. Only two kinds of people look like this: Apple employees and people who take things very seriously. John drew the short straw in the office, but he’s being amiable about it. He’ll gladly pretend to stop being a better person than you and take some time to show you the operating system of the future. Sorry, not the future, your future. Leopard is a part of John’s present. Has been for weeks. Loser.

So, welcome to Leopard, the operating system from spaaaaaaace! Much has been written about the Leopard Dock face lift. In theory I’d love to agree with these people, but I think I’ll reserve judgment until I’ve actually used this new Dock. Studies have shown that people are extremely forgiving of perspective errors, or at least that’s what my adviser tells me. I have every reason to believe him.

Movin’ on.

It’s this G-tech external hard drive, in case you were wondering. I was.

I don’t understand the thinking behind these new folder icons. Apple has spent the past seven years moving us toward a world of gleaming plastic and unflawed chrome. At the conference where the newest iMacs were introduced, Steve Jobs spent a truly bizarre amount of time trumpeting the fact that Apple products are made from those rare, high-end substances, aluminum and glass. True, with each upgrade to OS X Apple has steadily backed away from 10.0’s psychedelic candy festival, but I just can’t imagine looking at a pale blue, embossed, corrugated cardboard folder and thinking, “Yes.”

John has an awful lot of photos of kids. Whether this is a product of a second job as an event photographer, or something darker, remains to be seen.

Having now written a major term paper on my MacBook Pro, I could see how Spaces would be useful. The PDFs got out of control, let me tell you, and it would’ve been handy to contain them all on their own virtual desktop. Before you say it, I already know. Virtual desktops have been available for the Linux operating systems since the dawn of time. Whatever. Shut up.

Golf? Apple is actively trying to reestablish itself in the gaming sector, and to illustrate this they choose golf? Was this John’s idea? If so, he may be a Republican. Republicans love golf, or so I’ve heard. In any case, it doesn’t matter. Gaming belongs to the consoles now, and the only computer game worth playing in the next two years would have come out for both Mac and PC regardless of Apple’s marketing.

It’s hard to see in the video, but apparently John’s last name is Appleseed. Oh marketing, thy wit be like unto a razor.

I initially read the words, “It’s time to die.” Morbid? Maybe, but it’s a reflection of my general dislike of e-mail “stationary.” E-mail is an inappropriate venue for this kind of superfluous decoration, both for the technological limitations of the medium and the average user’s approach to the Inbox. Please note that I said “decoration,” not “design.” Good design improves usability, whereas decoration just introduces some pretty fonts and colors. See Zeldman’s “E-mail is not a platform for design”.

The plot thickens. John describes the above as “an e-mail from someone that I recently met.” No context, no biographical details, just some guy John knows from some place he visited some time. The vagueness here is suspicious, and smacks of a double life. Brandon lives in San Francisco, and I think you know what that means. It means he’s a member of Dumbledore’s Army. John, being a Republican (see golf, above), would want to keep this kind of thing under wraps.

Say hello to Nicole, a colleague of John’s. Nicole, like John, digs the form-fitting black clothing. Personally I find it all a little Heaven’s Gate-ish.

Ah yes. You can’t tell from the screenshot, but U2’s “Beautiful Day” plays during this video clip of the skiers. It wouldn’t be an Apple product announcement without a spiritual cameo from Bono, would it? Namaste.

But I kid, I kid. I’m very much looking forward to Leopard and all that it has to offer. Even in my short time on the Mac, I’ve noticed a few shortcomings that Leopard promises to correct. The upgrades to iCal alone are worthwhile. Can’t wait!