Jon22: The Website of Jonathan Dobres

Dear CNN Quick Vote,

It must be hard being you. I’d imagine that if you, an inanimate piece of code, had a soul, it has long since been crushed to dust by the awesome weight of representing everything wrong with one of the most trafficked sites on the internet. The pressure is unimaginable to me. There’s little need to say that CNN.com is ridiculous, and that its recent redesign has done nothing so much as nudge it closer to becoming the Youtube of news. There’s no need to grab two front-page headlines at random—say, “Abuse Alleged at Oprah Winfrey’s School” and “Cheerleader Creamed by Players at Game”—and point out how superficial and schizophrenic this is. There’s no need to ponder whether CNN’s headlines are a desperate grab for pageviews or a horrifying reflection of the American psyche.

No, Quick Vote, you save me all that intellectual work. One look at you, and there’s no need to wonder.

I think it was in the first grade that I was taught the difference between an opinion and a fact.

“A fact,” Mrs. McGregor said, “is something that is always true, no matter what you believe. For instance, two plus two equals four. George Bush is the President of the United States right now. No matter what I believe, those things are true. An opinion is different. It’s not necessarily right or wrong. Chocolate ice cream tastes the best. That’s my opinion, but it might be your opinion that strawberry ice cream tastes best. Opinions aren’t right or wrong.”

You fascinate me, CNN Quick Vote, because you confound the very essences of fact and opinion. More often than not, you are both simultaneously. Like light, you are both particle and wave at once. You are a symphony of contradiction that, like electromagnetic radiation, is slowly irradiating my brain.

Let us contemplate. “Do man-made chemicals in plastics or textiles pose a threat to your health? Yes or No.” What, exactly, are you asking? Objectively speaking, sure, of course they do. They’re toxic.  Personally? Only if I were to, say, ingest a ball of cellophane. The question’s wording is flawlessly vague. Either yes or no is correct, depending on whether this is fact or opinion, or what line of work I, personally, am in.

So the question is invalid. Like the Mirror or Erised, it shows each person what he most wants, and counts for nothing in the aggregate. Just like the rest of CNN.com.

Best of luck existing,
Jon