crotchety old man mode
“What should I write about for the site, Grant?”
“I don’t know, Jon. I don’t care. Write about this candle.” He indicates the candle, the way you’d point at the family pet’s bowel mishap. “Whip up a post about this [expletive deleted] candle.”
“But I don’t think–”
“Go Andy Rooney on this mother. Just write something. Whatever. Where’s my [expletive deleted] drink?”
And then he hit me.
Not really.
(But maybe.)
So. Writing about the candle.
It’s not coming. This candle, it does not inspire me.
What would Andy Rooney do?
“Scented candles are increasingly popular nowadays. But back when I was a young one, we used them only for the simple pleasure of their light, or for burning witches. There was no artificial scent, no synthetic fragrance to tempt my simple nostrils. Just good old-fashioned illumination. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a dinner date with Mr. Magoo.”
How is this man on television? For that matter, why doesn’t my site get more visitors? Odd.
Point of order.
You make me sound like some sort of crazy person. It is not MY FAULT that you cannot find something interesting to talk about. Before you sat down to write this post, we went through whatever was laying around in my Google Reader feeds for hilariousness. We found the latest Michelle Bachmann insanity, a clip where a member of the Texas Board of Education asks a ciricculum writer to re-write the U.S. History cirriculum to exclude negative moments in our history, and talked ad nauseum about whatever shit we were watching on TV. I was, in effect, your muse.
And I did NOT ask for “my [expletive deleted] drink.” As I do recall, I instead went to the kitchen and MADE YOU a Dr. Brown’s Black Cherry soda in a frosted mug. You bitch.
Pointing out my lies cannot possibly be a point of order. Hasn’t Barney Frank taught you anything?
I was being rhetorical.
I’m noticing you didn’t address the fact that I made you a Dr. Brown’s Black Cherry soda in a frosted mug.
The soda drinking habits of the author, though they may be interesting, are irrelevant to the present topic of discussion.