Jon22: The Website of Jonathan Dobres

Thanks to the miracle of democracy, you and I are in for another four years of Bush. Many people are flabbergasted at Kerry’s loss. I’m not. I was pissed as all hell for a few hours, now I’m fine. I’ve been able to get my head around the Bush win. The reason is simple, or rather, the reason is simplicity. You could interpret Bush’s policies as the product of a bullheaded stupidity that borders on delusional thought process, but at the very least, Bush is consistent and strong. Everyone knows exactly what he stands for and why he stands for it. Kerry, on the other hand, is a complicated man with a complicated agenda, and I think that living in ultra-liberal Boston it’s easy to forget that there’s vast stretches of cornfields where people take their religion seriously and like their messages clear.

They also apparently like their marriage heterosexual. “One man, one woman” amendments passed in all of the eleven states where they were proposed. Again, the reason is pretty plain. Keeping marriage between one man and woman keeps things simple, which makes a lot of heterosexuals out there happy. Allowing for the possibility of gay marriage opens up a whole can of complexity that a lot of people would rather not be bothered with. Also, some people are just a bunch of fucking bigots who seem to take their right to DIVORCE pretty much for granted.

From the outset, I had a feeling that Bush would win, because if he lost, it would mean he’d be escaping The Curse of Tecumseh. Every president elected on a year ending in zero since William Henry Harrison has died in office (Reagan narrowly avoided assassination). What I’m saying is, everyone get your Mourner Face ready.

But hey, let’s pretend that I didn’t just insinuate that the president should be killed as quickly as possible. Sixty million people voted for George W. Bush, and less than that voted for Kerry. Therefore, my guy lost. This is how democracy works, people. So you’re free to whine and moan about the president and even casually suggest that he should be shot by a mental patient, but please don’t complain about the election in my presence.

There are a few bright sides to all this. One, Kerry avoided a Gore-esque fiasco and gracefully conceded when it became unlikely that he’d win. He won’t go down in history as the dickhead who whipped out the lawyers. Two, the next four years (hopefully less) are going to be HILARIOUS. Look, you forgot Poland!