Jon22: The Website of Jonathan Dobres

I find myself confused and disappointed with this year’s Golden Globe nominations. Leonardo DiCaprio is nominated for Best Actor. Twice. Same category. Two movies. If I had fallen into a coma in 1997 and just woke up today, I’d assume I had died and gone to hell.

Best Animated Feature comes down to Cars, Happy Feet, and Monster House. What a sad year for animation. I didn’t feel motivated enough to see any of these flicks, but I saw enough of Monster House to know that it absolutely should not win. How did it even get nominated? Lack of options? My guess is that Cars will walk away with the Globe, for as goes Glenn Beck, so goes the world.

In the insanely titled category of “Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role in a Series, Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television”, you’ve got another surprise nomination in Masi Oka. Here’s how that conversation went in my office the other day:

COWORKER: In best supporting actor you’ve got…Masi…Oka?

JON: You mean Hiro Nakamura? The adorable Japanese guy with the power to “bendo time and-u space”?

COWORKER: I guess.

JON: I mean, he’s great, but Best Supporting Actor? On Heroes? Really? He’ll never win. Who’s he up against?

COWORKER: Thomas Haden Church, Jeremy Irons, Justin Kirk, and Jeremy Piven.

JON: Well, okay. Maybe.

More proof to my theory that the Golden Globes aren’t the political orchestration that many cynics believe them to be. No, the Golden Globes simply exist in a parallel universe, one full of whimsy and bright colors, where the nominations are determined by a scientific combination of dart board and whose names would make the neatest anagrams. Masi Oka? Aim Soak. Leonardo DiCaprio? Poor Idol Radiance OR Paranoid Lice Odor (this explains the two nominations).