now accepting applications
07.01.08 • comment (1) • trackback
My apartment, which houses four people in addition to myself, has been thrown into chaos. With one of our beloved roommates departing for medical school soon, we had thought we could simply absorb her boyfriend (who is kid tested, mother approved, and totally rawesome) into the apartment. Naturally, he just received word that he, too, has been accepted into a desirable medical program, and so he will not be moving in. Our happiness over his acceptance exists, certainly, but is being pulverized under a mountain of despair and frustration. We suddenly don’t get to live with the guy? This is the guy who was practically a sixth roommate anyway. The one we all loved more than chocolate. Now we have to find someone else. Some stranger, who is likely no better than a wildebeest. Some random, mangy, monster who gnaws on the souls of the righteous with his yellowed fangs. You get the idea.
So, we’re currently accepting applications. Please answer the following questions to the best of your ability. Be specific. Support your answer with details from the book.
- Describe the present state of your bedroom, paying particular attention to items that may or may not be strewn on the floor, as well as the contents of various shelves and dresser tops. Your goal should not be to lie your way into appearing clean. Cleanliness, while admirable, is not the issue.
- Describe the contents of your computer(s). Please itemize any illegally downloaded content from within the last month.
- Do you have an Xbox 360? That would be awesome. We already have a Wii, PS3, and a thirty-two inch high definition TV, all contributed from different roommates. The Xbox would really complete the set. If you think of The Future as a set, per se.
- You walk into our apartment for a tour. The first room we show you contains an assortment of unused chairs, a weight bench, and Powerblocks. The walls have been decorated with various swords, nunchucku, and tonfa. React.
- Fancy a game of kubb?
- I feel like getting some Ana’s. Respond.
- We know, of course, that fear will keep the local systems in line. But fear of what?
- Tell me about Joss Whedon and his collected works.
- What sports do you watch, if any? Justify your allegiences to the games.
- True or false: It would be awesome to shake hands with Hulk Hogan.
- The sink is brimming with unwashed dishes from the past few days. What do you do?
- One of the roommates (almost certainly myself or GDeeeezL) has just had a Level 4 Biological Event in the half bath. I (or he) staggers into the living room and sits down. What now?
- X-Men or X-Men 2?
- HGTV, Comedy Central, Fox Soccer Channel, Network, or Other?
- What is the proper pronunciation of “Grand Prix”?
Leave your answers in the comments. Ideal responses will be posted later in the week.
07.01.08 #
1. The floor is clean, but the throw rug is a little more dirty than your average redheaded stepchild. The bookshelf is mostly empty, but arrayed across the top shelf is a veritable mountain of clean clothing to which little care has been assigned, much less attention. It may or may not get folded before the next shipment of laundry arrives from the dryer. The bed is unmade 90% of the time (why bother, I’ll just mess it up again?) but the closet and dresser are pretty well-organized.
2. Mac Pro and MacBook Pro: about 250gb of assorted media. This includes 31.7gb of music, which is mostly tagged and sorted and has album art; the majority of it is legitimately acquired. 2/3 of this music is video game soundtracks. The other media — mostly movies, but a few TV show/anime rips, some nice software and about 3gb of ebooks — was mostly acquired through P2P. Sorry, no itemized lists.
3. I have an 360, a Wii, a PS2, and a PS3. I also have an N64, SNES, and Genesis in storage.
4. “I think I’ll need a product demonstration.”
5. Followed by a game of Smash Brothers, yes.
6. East coast stuff does not compute, sorry.
7. Fear of Tarkin’s awful English accent.
8. Meh, Firefly was okay. His other works didn’t hold much interest for me.
9. Not big on watching sports, sorry.
10. True.
11. We made a deal, remember? I cook, I don’t do dishes. Oh, okay, I’ll do them, but it’s a shame. What? It’s a shame about your plates. Yeah, they mysteriously toppled onto the floor, one by one, in a cascade of ceramic shards. Damn poltergeists. Hand me a broom, would you?
12. I hope that’s now how it looked when you ate it.
13. X-Men 2.
14. None of the above, but if I had to choose, Comedy Central.
15. Not the French way, because I know you hate them. C’est dommage.