Jon22: The Website of Jonathan Dobres

I have attended three weddings this summer, but this is the one I’m writing about, because it went by so quickly. The other two weddings were–make no mistake–beautiful and memorable in their own ways. They were also lengthy four-day experiences (on my end of things, anyway) that gave me ample opportunity to say and do everything I felt I needed to do. Paul and Mike’s wedding, on the other hand, went by far too quickly.¹ I had to rush in and out in less than twenty-four hours, and it feels unfinished.

As should be abundantly clear from the above picture, this was a same-sex wedding, or, as I liked to think of it, “steamy man-on-man matrimony”.² I have long believed that one of the obstacles faced by the gay community is that we lack many aspects of the cultural tradition that every straight person takes for granted. But that’s a whole other post. Suffice to say that any gay couple getting married today must answer the question: What does a gay wedding look like?

Since the gay community lacks wedding traditions, answering this question is an exciting opportunity for a couple to make a statement, define their own tradition, or imbue an important moment in life with their own personal layers of symbolism and meaning. The same is true for straight couples, but my point is that they have a huge foundation of traditions upon which to build a ceremony, whereas a gay couple must start from scratch. I know from experience that Paul loves that sort of challenge.³ The man can find deep significance in a chunk of rock, and genuinely mean it. No, seriously.

The ceremony was held in a park not far from where Mike and Paul currently live. The forecast had threatened rain, but the morning remained absolutely perfect (more proof to my theory that Mike is, in fact, an actual warlock, and D&D is just a convenient cover). The grooms and officiant stood on a central platform under a chuppah of simple but elegant design. Guests stood or sat in a loose circle around the platform, forming a sort of “wedding in the round.”

My favorite part of the ceremony was, luckily enough, its most lengthy component. Guests were invited to share their thoughts and feelings on the grooms, marriage, love, or anything else that came to mind. Funny stories and loving emotions soon filled the park. It all felt very natural and spontaneous, and although I hadn’t come to the wedding intending to speak, the moment inspired me to share a thought. I was trying to put a feeling into words, and though everyone seemed to enjoy what I said, I knew I hadn’t quite communicated what I was feeling.

What I really wanted to say was this. I have known Paul for nearly eight years. When we first met, I was a freshman in college and he was a senior. He took me under his wing, guided me, looked out for me, and has had an undeniably enormous influence on who I am today. At the end of that year he graduated and moved across the country, then later moved back to the correct coast, albeit in the wrong state. Aside from that first year, Paul and I haven’t actually seen each other too frequently in the eight years of our friendship. Yet I still feel so close to him, as if we never really stopped grabbing dinner in the dining hall. That’s what I felt during Paul and Mike’s beautiful ceremony; an emotional closeness shared by everyone there in that park, and it was beautiful. I am so glad that we could come together to celebrate the love that Paul and Mike have found in each other, and I am honored to have shared in it.

I’m sure that the above has done much to stroke Paul’s famously enormous ego. Thank God Mike is there to keep it under control.

1. Technically speaking, Paul and Mike have been married for a year. They eloped to California before the whole Proposition 8 mess. So now they have a wedding license from a state that would no longer marry them, but luckily they live in New York, which, although does not itself grant gay marriages, will recognize a gay marriage from out of state, even if the state in question no longer grants gay marriages. Right. No need for any federal intervention on this issue. Please, everyone, let’s instead continue to bus the elderly to town hall meetings to yell prepared remarks at state reps. ∧
2. Ten bucks says that this sentence made Paul laugh. I’m guessing in the form of a staccato bark. ∧
3. This is not to say Mike doesn’t love this sort of challenge, but I don’t know him nearly as well as I know Paul. It was easy for me to pick out aspects of the ceremony that were definitely Paul’s handiwork. ∧