reality check (with embellishments)
Me: Dave, I think I’m having a seizure. Or one of those acid freak-outs.
Dave: You’ve never done acid.
Me: I’m having something.
Dave: A baby?
Me: No. I’m having some kind of hallucination, I think.
Dave: Why do you think this?
Me: Just tell me what you see on the television. Is it a commercial for an air freshener? One that uses a cartoon female elephant as its spokes-animal? Does it feel like she’s talking directly at you? Like she’s cauterizing your brain tissue?
Dave: Yes. And she’s got a British accent.
Me: Oh. So I’m not having a seizure then. Good. You know, I love this TV. I just hate what’s on it sometimes.
Strangely, I can only find the commercial in question in German, which makes it even better.
I think the most frightening thing is that she’s married to a caterpillar…Wonder how that works…