revenge of the sith
05.20.05 • comment (10) • trackback
You might have heard that Revenge of the Sith premiered this week (the marketing is a little sparse). You might have read reviews claiming that this film is an improvement over Episodes I and II. This not untrue, but like Anthony Lane says, “only in the same way that dying from natural causes is preferable to crucifixion.” Yet people I respect seem to love the movie. My only question: Have you all lost your minds? Spoilers ahead.
Revenge of the Sith is the most godawful insult to the Star Wars franchise imaginable. Only George Lucas himself could have executed such a flawless butchering of his own creative legacy. I won’t drone on for pages lamenting every hideous mistake made during these pitiful 140 minutes (although believe me, I could). The only word that describes Revenge of the Sith is “awful,” and here’s why.
For starters, everything, everything, everything is CGI. George Lucas has some kind of monster grudge against reality, because there’s not one single shot in the entire film that hasn’t been magically altered through computer wizardry. How many actual, physical sets were built? Did they build any? I doubt it, since everything in this movie has the inescapable sheen of flawless digitized models. This is especially sad, since one of the major innovations of the original Star Wars was that, contrary to all sci-fi that came before it, the universe was dirty. Now, even the dirt seems obsessively calculated.
This ties in nicely with my second point. Do you enjoy watching footage of spaceships landing and taking off? If so, this is the movie for you, because it is apparently the only way that Lucas knows how to open and close a scene. My God, the landing and taking off! Not only does this shatter the pacing of the film, but it also puts the special effects front and center, which apparently are more important than characters that are supposed to be driving this film.
Awful direction goes hand in hand with awful writing, and the dialogue in Sith is an absolute abomination. When not hokey or literally laughable, Lucas “directs” his actors into a wooden stupor. Natalie Portman? Christopher Lee? Ewan McGregor? James Earl Jones? All great actors, but you wouldn’t think so from this movie. Lucas wastes them. They all sound like they’re reading from cue cards, so utterly devoid of any real feeling that it makes me wince to hear them spout these ridiculous lines. Younglings? How about you call them children just once, or, God help me, Padawans.
Don’t get me started on how Lucas has devastated his most beloved characters. James Earl Jones has about four lines as black-suited Darth Vader, and in that meager part Lucas almost ruins one of the greatest movie villians of all time. Likewise for Yoda, he’s been transformed from infinitely wise, riddle-talking sage to adorable green ninja. Kills me, it does.
Then there’s the overall problem of the prequel trilogy as a whole, which is only made clearer thanks to Sith. Nothing important happens in Episodes I or II. NOTHING. I’ll give you an example. In Episode I, Lucas added some insane “midi-chlorian” element to explain peoples’ varying Force powers. Despite the stupidity of this addition, I would have forgiven it if midi-chlorians were of any consequence whatsoever in the remaining films. They are not. It’s all just a glut of details and endless fan service. For the same reasons, Mace Windu’s death provokes zero emotion from the audience, nevermind that he’s been around for all three prequels, standing around like a talking prop.
In Revenge of the Sith, Anakin’s turn to the Dark Side progresses exactly as expected, with absolutely no surprise, subtlety, or even complex development. The threads between Episodes III and IV are tied together so explicitly that it’s almost laughable. Just after Obi-wan deposits Leia with the Organa family (Jimmy Smits, what are you doing in this movie?), he says, “Now I shall go to Tatooine and watch over the boy.” That’s it. End of trilogy. Oh, but not without some massive continuity flaws. How can Leia reminisce about her dead biological mother in Return of the Jedi if Padme died in childbirth? George, did you even watch the original trilogy? I think not.
As far as I’m concerned, these movies never happened. And yes, this was the short version. I could write more, but if you’re dying to hear it, it’s already been said.
05.20.05 #
FIRST POST!!! (And I mean on your entire website!)
Just letting you know that you sound like a petty, silly, whining child in your review.
Did you give “National Treasure” such a scathing review? I mean, I was really hoping for that one to have urbane dialogue and intricate plot development.
Point being: WTF did you expect, you idiot? Go to the movie to see wacky aliens and outrageous light saber battles. Stay home if you are just gonna complain that Georgie didn’t make the AWESOME movie you could have made.
Tool.
Regards,
Spoono
“I don’t confuse the works of Salman Rushdie and George Lucas”
05.20.05 #
George has had 30 plus years to write a story and we end paying for this turkey. He should have done what he did with Empire letting people that actually make movies and tell stories do the work.
05.21.05 #
Please, God please, go see those professionals’ movies instead and shut the hell up, whiney!
Regards.
05.22.05 #
Nah I’m with you that movie was a bunch of BS. Too much humor as well. Also, correct me if I’m wrong, but for the continuity both Yoda and Obi-Wan knew of the twin sister as seen in Sith, but if I’m not mistaken in Empire Strikes Back they have a conversation where only one of them, I forget which, knows of the twin sister. Neway I’m not a super nerd, but somehow I picked up on that intricate discrepancy.
05.22.05 #
it was really hayden christensen as darth vader no?
he was the one donning the suit and spouting the 4 lines…
the ‘noooooooo…!!’ exclamation from darth vader upon the realization of padme’s death was the funniest haha
oh and how padme said ‘ you’re breaking my heart! ‘ to anakin skywalker when she discovered that he had really gone over to the dark side was sort of too direct don’t you think?
i can think about a hundred other ways to express the hurt besides ‘ you’re breaking my heart!!’
05.22.05 #
Your criticisms are valid, but I can come up with an even bigger list of valid criticisms for any single movie, good or bad, ever made–even the original Star Wars trilogy.
What makes a movie good is it’s redeeming qualities, and ROTS did not fail in this respect. If you disagree, then you fail as a human being.
There’s no such thing as a perfect movie. The point is to not keep track of all the flaws, but to enjoy the plus’s of the movie.
05.22.05 #
Re: davo
You nerd!
Obviously Obi-wan is aware of the sister, but just hasn’t thought of the possibility that she can be trained in the jedi ways, because of some sort of mental mindblock(possibly sexist), or because Obi-wan is too shortsighted/pessimistic to see the possibility that another jedi hopeful could be developed in leia. That’s why when Yoda simply says/reminds Obi-wan: “No, there is another.” He doesn’t need to elaborate. Obi-wan automatically realizes Yoda is talking about Luke’s sister, and that even if worst comes to worst, the jedi way is to always have hope.
Stupid nerd. I swear…Gosh…
05.25.05 #
I agree. So many holes. So much could have been improved. Here’s my rant if you’re interested:
Star Wars Is Eating a Hole in My Brain
06.11.05 #
Yo, ROTS did horrible, horrible things to the wonderful childhood memories I have of star wars. It did horrible things in a dark back alley behind a strip club and no protection of any sort was used in the violation. The movie was not perfect. It wasn’t close to perfect. Perfect was so far away on the horizon that it was actually just a dot. George did manage to not only not produce a movie equal to the original films, he also came pretty close to ruining them - a difficult task even for him.
07.07.05 #
I can not believe the wiue and chesse fest here. George Lucas made a movie. All the movies were cheezy, but great Space Fantasy.
BTW Leia only states she remembers her smile and the warmth of her. Since it is possible for people to rember their birth this is not a problem.