Jon22: The Website of Jonathan Dobres

On more than one occassion over the past week, I’ve had to stop myself from accidentally referring to the Olympics as “The Gymnastics Games”. Honestly, it’s the only sport that really matters in my mind, no offense to the burly (and clearly volatile) shotputters.Other sports feel like exercises in repitition compared to the grace and power of Olympic gymnastics, particularly the men’s division. Valid moves in gymnastics include flips, twists, hold positions, and defiance of gravity. It’s awe inspiring to realize that a man clutching two tethered rings can turn himself upside down using, like, two of his abs. You can look at a swimmer and think, “Wow, fast,” or look at a female power lifter and think, “Wow, unnatural,” but gymnasts make you go, “I think that guy’s biceps have biceps.”

I prefer the men’s division over the women’s because a twenty-one year old female gymnast looks like she just graduated from elementary school, whereas a male gymnast looks like he could turn coal into diamonds using just his buttocks. I could stare at this picture of Romania’s Marian Dragulescu until it actually happens.

It’s not just the eye candy. With gymnastics, you can really feel the competition. You can feel the shame of the Chinese team, even pity them for the inevitable caning that awaits their return to the Fatherland. You could feel Paul Hamm’s awe at coming back from twelfth place to win the gold. It’s a moment so amazing, it totally makes up for the fact that he sounds like one of his female counterparts in the post-win interview.