Jon22: The Website of Jonathan Dobres

The fire alarms went off in the student union building today. This is rarely a cause for concern, as most of the student union is built from space aged fireproof materials like concrete. You could dowse the entire food court in napalm and we’d be out maybe twenty bucks.

Anyway, as an employee of the administration office my job in this situation is to avoid my gut instinct to run from danger and commence the act of reproduction with the nearest hole-shaped object, and instead herd the patrons out of the building and then ensure that no one enters. You would think the “no re-entry” task would be pretty easy, given all the flashing lights and siren-like noises emanating from the building. But no. It’s as if they don’t even hear it, or perhaps they think that it’s just some kind of travelling Lithuanian carnival.

I kept thinking, what if there really was a fire? What if there wasn’t someone in front of the building to stop idiots from entering an inferno? Maybe we’d be better off.